did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
