You just made me feel so damn special
lets start a swedish sibling band together
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
