Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
