You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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