This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
