I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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