Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
