her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
