you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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