yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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