I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
