no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
