chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
