It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
