Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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