Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize