I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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