Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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