So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was like eating out sand paper
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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