Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
