First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
