I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
