I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
