I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
