Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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