the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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