I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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