I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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