We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
