i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize