...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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