i'm signing you up for texting rehab
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
