There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
