Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i believe in u and ur pee
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
