Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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