I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
