did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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