at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
