if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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