if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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