Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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