Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need water and some morals
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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