He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
