I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
