Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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