My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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