There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
