and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
