he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
