new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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