He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
