So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
