he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
