Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss