Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is