I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy