I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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