I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook