belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.