It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story