I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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