Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
