I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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