Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
