There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
