I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
