If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
