There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
