Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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