the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
