i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we're making bets on your personal life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
