How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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