My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
