My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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