Don't you send me to vm
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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