you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is Oprah even human
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
