I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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