yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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