He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
