My sheets look like a crime scene.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
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She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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