I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
