My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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