just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
